4am in chicago: banging the drum

this week has been a hard one. i "confronted", so to speak, a group of women about why they are so vocal about sexism and bullying in sports but were mostly radio silent on racism. the answers were mostly filled with excuses. one person derailed so hard and somehow managed to mention a famous Black sports personality's twitter. 

i read a piece on The Hardball Times that, in its efforts to not talk about the racism in baseball, totally missed the mark by conflating it with cyber bullies and trolls.  

honestly, what will it take for "well-meaning" non-Black folks to get it? when will they realize it is they who have the power to get speak on racism. and they must openly condemn both racists and racism.  

i get it. talking about racism is uncomfortable. comfronting racists is scary. but it's the least of your worries when you don't actually have to live with it. when you don't have to fear for your life because of it.  

silence is violence and compliance, folks. consider that the next time you opt to complain about racism in private instead of using your platform - no matter how big or small.  

sometimes, i want to quit baseball. I just started writing and i kinda wanna quit that, too. it's a tough spot. i kinda feel like i've become "the Black girl who is constantly banging the drum about race in baseball." I am not sure that's who i wanna be, but i am 100 percent sure that it's absolutely needed. 

i haven't written in weeks for this very reason. my creativity feels a little stifled because i am uncertain. i want to make an impact, i want my voice to be meaningful. but mostly, i want my words to be strong. I want to end the day knowing somebody, somewhere, sees me as more than "the Black girl who is constantly banging the drum about race in baseball." 

but in order to do that, i gotta continue, huh?

so maybe i'll keep banging. 

big riz, big leadoff man?

i'm terrible at updating this but hey! here's one.